if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
