Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
