If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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