It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
