Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
