Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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