She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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