i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
