yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Are we still banned from the library?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
