I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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