you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
