Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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