Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
