i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
