Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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