i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
