Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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