Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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