in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
