she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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