He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
