Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
