The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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