just tell him i said nine months
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
