Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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