We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
