When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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