if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
