This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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