well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
