he wants to bone in the snuggie
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
