Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
