Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
