Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
