Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
