i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
he high fived his dick after we had sex
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
