Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
He has the fingertips of a God
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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