weddingsv make me drug and hornr
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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