Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
