There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
