I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
