I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
