wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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