Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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