He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
