i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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