I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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