You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
