We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
