dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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