she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
