The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
